I've been trying to reach out to restore with you since 2013. We were all fine before the divorce, but after that everything changed. You all stopped communicating with me without any reasonable explanation. As I've read back through the few letters you did send to me, they had little to do with any problems between us. You were told that I didn't love you, and that I ran off to live a life without you. Nothing could be father from the truth.
I'm sorry for any hurt I have caused you and would like an opportunity to make things right. I'm posting these things and the story so that you have a chance to hear my voice and heart, something you have shut out. It's also important for those who are close to you to have an opportunity to hear this side of the story and to know that I have been trying to reach you consistently for the past 6 years. They need to know that you have a stable mom that loves you and is here to love and support you. They need to know that you were not abandoned as I live 5 minutes from your childhood home and showed up at your school events and activities, even though you would not acknowledge me at these events.
I'm not blaming you for what happened in the past. I understand this broken dynamic and understand why you did what you did, but the truth is that you are an adult now, able to make your own choices and I respect that. If you rejected me based on who I am and what I've done, I would accept that , but you have rejected me based on what you have been told by people who are filled with anger, hatred and unforgiveness towards me. It only makes sense that they would say unkind and even untrue things about me. Your conscience knows that you have a mom that loves you and wants to reunite with you. When you deny this, you are lying to your conscience and it's causing you to have upset feeling and thoughts. It's been to hard to hear from me. You were told that the mom you had in your younger years is no more. You have tried to pretend that I'm dead. If I actually was, you could get closure on this issue and get some peace. As it is, the thought of me is disturbing, not because it's me but because you can't get closure.
The only way for you to be ok is to try to reunite. It's not for me. It's for you. You need to be honest with those you are close to. They may read this someday and I think they will be able to see what happened. It's not your fault, but you can choose now to make things right. I want you to have healthy relationships with girlfriends and future wives. If you rejected your own mom, what will keep you from rejecting them. This is something they will seriously need to consider. And if you can't sit down and work things out with a parent who loves you unconditionally, what chance do you have of working things out with a girlfriend or wife? I'm concerned that you think it's ok to reject people instead of working through a conflict. It's always better to try to resolve an issue. You may not get to resolution, but it's important to do your part. That's not just my opinion, it's God's truth.
If nothing else, think about this. Who wants peace, truth, love, restoration, hope and honor between people? Who wants distance, hatred, unforgiveness, rejection and lies? God wants one and Satan wants the other. Which one will you choose?
You didn't choose me as a mom and I didn't choose you as a son. (Although I'm super happy that you are my son) God designed and chose us for each other. Anyone standing in the way of that God ordained relationship is going against God's sovereign design. That's a dangerous place to be.
Multiple research studies show that kids who have rejected a parent have lower self esteem, trust issues in relationships, weak conflict resolution skills and higher rates of drug abuse, sexual promiscuity, suicide and depression. It's hard enough being a young adult today. Do you really want to add these issues to the list, knowing that you can do something about them?
The truth is you have a mom that loves you and always has. There were some challenging days for her and she made some decisions that hurt you. She's not perfect, but she's the only mom you will ever get. Why not give it a chance and see where this goes. It's what God wants. How about you?